The Man-chure

Here it is, the hottest listing of single men in Washington DC since the Declaration of Independence. This updated listing included bios of each of the eligible bachelors, so that you ladies don't just treat us men like pieces of meat and really get to know us before deciding which of us you would like to take to your bedroom.

With that said, ladies... eat your hearts out.

Name: Glenn Freshman
Penis Comparison: An adult mens softball bat, but a little wider at the base
About Me: Glenn Freshman is a highly successful professional who hasn't let go of his childlike wonderment and playful nature. He enjoys crisp fall days, snuggling, and HJ's, and hates non-babe babes. Glenn had a particularly long cold streak with the ladies, and thankfully recently found the magical pill of science known as rufies. Glenn looks for women whose proclivity to drink themselves to the point of finding anyone attractive and low self esteem make the perfect combination to allow Glenn to swoop in.


Name: Roger O'Reily, aka Buch Daddy aka Lots of Speculations aka BMOB
Nicknames: The Rog, Jesus Christ (in bed. As in "Jesus Christ, that was amazing!")
About Me: Roger was born in Japan and at the tender age of 3 months moved to the mean streets of Harlem. Here he learned the art of slinging rocks and developed a love of rhythm and blues music at the Apollo Theater and later other stops along the chitlin' circuit. The Rog went on to attend JMU majoring in bullshit and figuring out how to not do work yet convince people you did something great. This degree gave him more free time to pursue other interests which include building forts, sleeping in tents and watching movies wrapped in a teddy bear blanket while drinking chocolate milk. He now works for a large consulting firm as a Network and Risk Analyst where a little of his sole dies everyday. Upon meeting the Rog the risk of you falling in love with him is 100%.



Name: Scott Spicoli
Best bedtime move: The French Tickle
About Me: Scott, a native of Emerald Isle, North Carolina and Virginia Beach, never left his love for sand and sun behind when he moved to Arlington. He can be most often seen with flip flops, sunglasses, and a visor, hanging out in kids playgrounds, because he says "that's where the best sand is, plus I'm scouting out the milfs." Scott works as a government consultant, allowing himself plenty of time to tan and nap, and points out that with his extra 6 hours of sleep a day and limited work requirements, he can focus on a woman's needs 110% (he defines a woman's needs as cleaning supplies, ingredients to cook dinner, and water based lubricant). Scott is a Virgo, and would love to get you under the moon and stars and have his way with you.


Name: Scooter
Who would win in a fight, Joe Gibbs or God? Thats a trick question - Joe Gibbs is God.
About Me: There isnt much that amazing face can't say, but to not seem shallow, I'll list a few selling points to get your panties a little moist:

1. I have dreamy blue eyes, not that I know but I have been told so
2. I am in the top five, at least, as best kisser on the east coast
3. I have great dance moves
4. I dated a very hot girl in college, therefore she must have seen something attractive in me. Therefore, other hot girls must be able to find something also attractive about me.


Name: Kev
Lifetime Achievement: Finished an 80oz Utz pretzel container full of beer through two straws put together
About Me: I'm a simple man. I love the Redskins. I drink American beer. I tape caps hockey games on VHS and rewatch them. My work involves physical labor, and I'm good at it. I can kill a man with my bare hands, and I can please a woman with any part of my body. If you have a screw you need turned or a hole you need plugged, I'm your guy. Also, I cry alone in the bathroom sometimes. Come play with my rubix cube and untrap me from the puzzle that is my feelings.

Name: Phil McSorley
AKA: Leppy the Leprechaun
About Me: Phil, a native of the Washington area, is finishing his first year at MD Law. He lives in downtown DC and thoroughly enjoys going to pubs, not clubs. He hates long walks on the beach, but enjoys spooning after sex. Phil enjoys dominating bottles of red wine during the week, and punishing Miller Lites on the weekend. He believes a girls best feature (after her personality) is her butt.


Name: Denny
Former profession: Denny was the penis that they made dildo molds from.
About Me: Denny, a JMU grad, is an environmental scientist and attends grad school at Johns Hopkins. His interests include volunteering with disabled children and saving little puppies. Denny thrives at most all games, particularly yard and drinking varieties. In his spare time, Denny enjoys attending parties, shin digs, bru-ha-has, and other social engagements. Denny maintains a outwardly respectable appearance, but has a naughty streak behind closed doors.